I'm not doing anything.  I don't have time.

I was just thinking about an event that would take place in Alanthiaire's prequel.  I've thought of this partially because of my brother, and partially because of my own thoughts.  It seems ridiculous to me that Rhakel, having been brought back to life along with Alanthiaire, would never know or respond to the fact that Alanthiaire tortured Rraborkin to death and slaughtered scores of people to avenge Rhakel's death.  It is inevitable that Rhakel would someday know or be told, and it isn't in Rhakel's character to just blow it off, no matter how deeply attached to Alanthiaire he is.  So this scene that I'm thinking of takes place while Rhakel and Alanthiaire are "in limbo."  Rhakel, having discovered Alanthiaire's wrongdoings following his death, is extremely distraught, his unchallenged view of Alanthiaire (of him being heroic and beyond scrutiny) is, at least for a time, put into question and all but completely shattered.  It is a trial in the midst of their unbreakable friendship.  Rhakel, being compassionate by nature, is utterly horrified by the atrocities Alanthiaire committed (practically in his name).  Alanthiaire, though still filled with self-loathing, endeavors desperately to convey to Rhakel that he could never understand the way he had felt and the extent to which he had lost himself and his sanity after losing Rhakel.  He tries to convey to Rhakel that he never passed off his actions as just, and he is deeply repentant, but Rhakel, beside himself at the thought that the man he holds in such high esteem would commit such ruthless acts (so uncharacteristic of him), is still too overcome with disbelief to accept Alanthiaire's explanation.

"One does not kill in the name of love!"

I got up at six with the intention of doing my homework.  I have class at eight.  I'm not dressed.  I got nothing done.  I'm sick from having too much caffeine last night, and there's nothing I can do about it.  I'm a mess.  :P  I should be more worried about it, but there's not much to be done now.  Guess I just have to wing it.  Man I'm tired.

For my journal (because I want to):

I wonder what I will say if I just sit here and look at him and let the words flow....It’s almost the anniversary of the day he came (if it can be said that he came). This is odd, and a bit awkward, because it sounds as if I’m talking about a crush or a boyfriend or something. Nothing, haha, could be farther from reality. It’s an obsession, but a respectful one—one composed of as much fear and doubt and confusion as anything else. I wonder if I’m crazy...and I wonder—if I am crazy—if it’s a bad thing.

Anyway, I’m going off on tangents because I’ve just had a lot of tea.

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I just threw together some new icons yesterday.  :)  So here they are.

 ( ~55 new icons... )

I'm not really going to try to explain it.  Not everything is going as I hoped, but that's okay.  I'm very happy.  Very, very happy--happy enough to write this for no reason at all.  Life is very beautiful, as are the people in it.

They are, actually, all Alucard icons save one...

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     My mom has always been talking about actors, and I never understood her before.  Let me say now that actors baffle me.  Even the ones I like.  Perhaps I've never been to piece together why these specific people were so weird...until I knew they were actors.  They're not bad or crazy people.  It's just that watching them interact, and act for that matter, is altogether an indescribable experience.  These are theater actors, not film actors.  But they're a bunch of...spotlight-loving, bad-movie-loving...common-sense-lacking people.  They're very stubborn, some of them more stubborn than me, since they seem not to be able to sway to the side of reason.  You try to explain to them why Twilight, why The Emperor's New Groove and Hercules and Sweeney Todd are "bad" or of low quality/in poor taste, but they will not hear it.  Perhaps it's because, as actors, if they are given a role to play that they don't like, they have no choice but to play that role, if they want the job/project.  Maybe it's that mentality that has made them able to accept things, or has skewed their tastes.
     ...This...is only the beginning of my observations.

The answer is Buck-Tick, and I'd travel across the world.

At least for now, I’m giving up on actually writing scenes out. My ability to write fails me every time. What I see simply can’t be captured into words. 

In any event, I’ve been recently obsessed with the matter of Jacob’s past. I’ve been debating over how to depict his service to the U.S. There are two options, the first being the more natural notion of the protagonist being exploited and used, essentially abused, taken for granted while being treated as an object rather than a person. The second option is to make Jacob’s time in service to the U.S. a little more agreeable, giving him more reason to stay and serve, to be taken in by the governments false promises. I guess I really want to find a middle ground. I want to stay away from the first option because it is too typical, at least for me and the things I write. It happens too often. The latter option, though, the positive one, seems unrealistic. Jacob isn’t naïve like that.

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My friend Arden used to visit a lot, but he isn't around LJ much anymore....
Add me as a friend.  You can see all my better entries that way.

I can honestly say that yesterday was a great day.  Classes are going better than usual and I felt as if -- even if I spent most of the day studying -- I had some time to relax.  I'm paying for it today...but it's okay.

I splashed acrylic paint in this kid's eye.  He's a really pretty/good-looking guy, Argentenian, a year or two younger than I.  I swear he's royalty or something -- there have been talkings about it for the past three years.  Anyway, my sister has a crush on him.  I felt so guilty for almost blinding the poor kid.  He has nice eyes.  I never would have forgiven myself.

Anyway, I was walking outside, talking to my best friend on the phone and it started pouring.  I stayed out anyway.  I don't have good service in my room, and I don't get to talk to my best friend often.  He lives a few hours away, in my home town.

I'll spare the details.  It was a very good day, though.

I've been planning to do a Hellsing Spin-Off (I HATE calling it a fan fiction) for about a year.  It was a lot of planning, a lot of choices between sticking to the original plot and cleaning up the lousy ending.  But...I decided I'm not going to do it.  I have my reasons.  I've been debating over it a long time.  Part of me really wants to do it 1) because there are so many terrible, ridiculous fan fics out there, and 2) because it would be a fun sort of challenge for me.  But...nah.... I'm going to give it up.  Main reason is Alucard.  I just can't get his character right.  I'm not going to be like most other people who write fan fics and just make him into whatever I want him to be.  I have to stay true to Alucard's personality.  If I can't succeed in that, I don't want to do it at all.
:)

Just an add I saw that I thought was hilarious.
...     <-------- Atsushi Sakurai (of course),
                                                                                going on 43 in this shot.

Sorry, Depp, but...you're not looking so hot.  Some people (right) look MUCH better for their age.

So...I'm attempting a prequel to a book series I haven't even FINISHED.  I'm debating over whether that's a good thing to attempt or not.  I've talked over this a lot with my brother.  The problem with this sequel is that it takes a supporting character from the original installment and gives him his own book, explaining his extensive past.  It's...dangerous--for lack of a better term--for the original story, to take one of its characters like that out of the story and write a whole separate book about them.  It makes him seem too important.  My fear is that, if these are ever to be published and well-known, people who read the prequel first -- as there will inevitably be some -- will read the original books just to see what happens to the character from the prequel.  Frankly, the books aren't supposed to be focused on him.  He's a SUPPORTING character, not the protagonist.  I don't want him to take over everything.  So we'll see, I guess.

So there's this character.  Never mind.

Some things should just be shared.

  

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Please take a listen to some Buck-Tick, if you're interested.

Thanks for reading/looking.

( Notes... )

I was just listening to "Long Distance Call," both one of the most beautiful and one of the most genuinely sad songs I've ever heard.  Atsushi Sakurai wrote it, like most Buck-Tick songs, and it's about his last conversation with his dying mother: a long-distance phone call.  One of the reasons Buck-Tick is so different is because you can tell that singing is Atsushi Sakurai's calling.  There's emotion in his voice when he sings; you can feel the message he's trying to portray, whether you understand Japanese or not.  But there's something else.  Buck-Tick is not Buck-Tick only because of Atsushi Sakurai's voice.  There's an indescribably connection between the emotion in his voice and the emotion in the music itself, until they correspond with almost alarming harmony.  Imai wrote the music.  You think about how well Imai must know Atsushi to be able to capture everything he feels in the music.  You think about everything that went into making that song happen, this experience in Atsushi's life and Imai's ability to write something that speaks to the atmosphere of the event so well and so deeply.   Then you listen to "Snow White," a song from Buck-Tick's 2008 album "Tenshi no Revolver," and you hear the same thing, the same link between the feeling in the lyrics and the feeling in the music.  Hidehiko Hoshino (another member of the band) wrote the music that one.  The band has been together for twenty-five years, and during that time they've been able to achieve an ability to collaborate so powerfully.  Twenty-five years.  I think about what it must feel like for Atsushi to have that sort of friendship with the others.  If it it what it seems to be, I envy him greatly.

Listen to "Long Distance Call"
Listen to "Snow White"

Listen to more Buck-Tick

Some people should be shot for having kids.

Yesterday was an odd-feeling day. My brother went back to college, and I am soon to follow...back to school. This summer has been, in a word, indescribable. There were good moments, but I find myself feeling as if the summer has yet to, even now, truly begin. I miss my brother. It's hard for most people to understand. Families, for most, aren't what they used to be. Only seven more days left to be with my mother. I'm not unhappy really. It's just that there are some times when you realize that you can never get back lost time.

There is a difference between the sort of magic that Maekrinov uses and the kind that Alanthiaire uses. Alanthiaire is, naturally, the better sorcerer. Therefore he specializes in conjuring of "spells" and doing large incantations, while Maekrinov, as an ex-soldier (among other things) is much stronger with the sort of magic that can be used in combat, especially since his main occupation is protecting Nauralice. For example: protective shields and fireballs (sort of a lame example...) are in Maekrinov's area while conjuring a storm would be in Alanthiaire's.
That doesn't mean that Alanthiaire is incapable of combat magic, but the two character's powers are simply befitting of their characters. Alanthiaire is not only far older (and therefore more learned in the ways of magic) but also more flamboyant with his sorcery. Maekrinov, corresponding with his character, is more to-the-point with everything he does or, more aptly put, effective. He is a creature of brevity.
As another note that set the two apart, Alanthiaire is a necromancer. That's a whole other field of magic that Maekrinov doesn't touch. Also, Maekrinov, uncharacteristically, is a very powerful healer. Alanthiaire has the ability to rejuvenate not only himself but others, but that is purely through the transfer of magic energy in a simple but exceedingly strong form. Maekrinov is more suited for serious wounds or injuries that would require complex healing. For example, Alanthiaire could easily "heal" a man who was starved nearly to death. He could heal a life-threatening swordwound or re-attach a severed limb. But if someone had a severe concussion (something that needed greater precision and know-how to heal), you need Maekrinov. It's one of the few places where Maekrinov and Alanthiaire switch places, the former to complexity and detail and the latter to simplicity.
The big similarity between Alanthiaire and Maekrinov is that they are both symbols of death: Maekrinov for his appearance and Alanthiaire for his use of necromancy.

Celebrities are entitled to just as much privacy as anyone else, as any normal citizen.  They should be given as much privacy as possible.  Anything else is a breach of their rights as a human being.  There is no contract or job that can have you sign off your rights.  It is unjust for an individual to be expected to give up their personal security for fame.  Their gifts to the public are a privilege for us to view, to hear, to experience.  They already did their job in delivering their gift to us.  Furthermore, like any other citizen in a society, their job and their personal lives are unrelated.  Leave them alone and let them have a life.  When celebrities are chased down, ridiculed, or even harassed because of their fame, it is just as much a crime as any normal person being stalked or harassed against their will.  Celebrities already devote themselves to their jobs.  People should be satisfied with that and let them live happy lives outside of their profession instead of--out of selfishness and (in regards to the press and media) a want to gain money through selling information--making a person's life miserable in payment of their services.  Let the paparazzi or an unannounced newspaper group try to get into the White House and get unsolicited footage of the president.  The Secret Service would jump on them before they could even attempt it.  Let a random person stand waiting outside your door to take unsolicited photos of you.  What's the first thing you would probably do?  Probably call the police.  I say again, celebrities deserve no less privacy than anyone else.  It's just selfishness that we should think otherwise.

     I am here for what I do.  If you want to know what pulled me here, you need to ask the Muses.  You need to ask the thing inside me that says, "This is what you must do with your life."  Ask my voice.  Ask my body, which is filled day to day with the desire for music.  As for me, I couldn't tell you.  I say simply, "Because I like it."

If I had my own radio station, it would play "old-school" R&B and Soul starting from the 50s/60s up to the early 90s.  I'm tempted to say I would split it between that and foreign music.  I would like to have something where at night, like 10-6, you would have things like Buck-Tick and other J-music, French pop, German music, and other music from other countries.  Only I do not know if listeners would find R&B, J-music, and German rock compatible; therefore I will just keep it to R&B and Soul for now.

If I had my own television station (which I actually plan to do some day), I would devote it to high-quality older shows.  That start with classic cartoons like Looney Tunes (and related shows like Chuck Jones, Toman and Jerry), Smurfs, Hanna Barbara, etc., mixed with newer kids shows like Arthur and Sesame Street.  These would show especially on the week-ends and the mornings where kids would be at home.  During the weekday afternoons (between 12 and 9pm), I would focus on good classic family shows such as Mork and Mindy, Love Boat, and other kinds of things that used to comprise TV Land and Nick-at-Night.  At night there would be adult favorites and good scary shows (Night Gallery, Twilight Zone, Outer Limits, etc.) with at least one movie a night from the 70s-90s.  Every Friday, Saturday, and Sunday there would be at least one good kids movie (like the Babar Movie, Sabastian the Star Bare, the Carebears Movie, etc.).  Sunday afternoons would be the time for old movies (70s and before).

All part of a plan to bring quality television and music back to American culture.

Latin saying:

Decunt volentum fata, nolentem trahunt.
"The Fates will lead the willing and drag the unwilling."

(reminded me of Alucard)

     I sat down to write this entry with the intention of getting my thoughts out.  There are countless things on my mind, which have kept me overwhelmed and in a state of confusion all day.  I've wanted to write, but I can't seem to keep my mind on track.  I can't read either, really.  I was reading Wayne Barlowe's God's Demon, but I'm 93 pages into the book and unable to get any further.  Now, unfortunately, I can't even seem to remember what I was going to say in this entry at all.  Three cheers for pointlessness!

Let's see...

Michael Jackson
Buck-Tick
Lots of Old-School stuff like Luther Vandross, Whitney Houston, Vanessa Williams, etc.

also...

Disturbed
Random other things like select favorites from the Wolf's Rain and Hellsing OVA OSTs
Some UVERworld and random J-music
Instrumentals like Kitaro, Yo-Yo Ma, and Dirty Orchestra

Click to hear some samples. 

1.  I have a great deal of close friends and deeply trust a lot of people.
2.  I have never dated or kissed a guy.
3.  I haven't seen my father in almost five years.